October 23, 2020

Amy here.

Yesterday was emotionally taxing.  However, looking back...it was a good day overall.  I can contribute most of it to the emotion of the situation for which we have been thrown. Briar was stable for most of the day.  She has moments when her heart rate drops.  They are doing their best to pinpoint what could be causing it.  When we visited both times, her little lungs were doing great.  Small victories, people.  

Last night, Matt and I ordered food in from somewhere other than the hospital since it was our anniversary.  :). And, then he rolled me down a very romantic hallway to the NICU.  While we were visiting Briar, he sanitized (that’s for you, Pam Goodell) and gave her his wedding ring to hold.  Y’all.  She is the smallest little thing.  We are hoping to be able to look back one day and see just how much she has grown over the years, with her daddy’s wedding ring as a size marker.  She had a very strong grip on the ring as we went to take it from her.  It was as if she was holding a donut the size of her head.  Matthew joked that he didn’t know if she was going to give it back.  :)

In pictures going forward, you may see us laying our hands across her chest.  The doctors have said that this is the best thing we can do to offer her comfort.  It mocks the womb and lets them know they aren’t alone.  

The irony isn’t lost on me that this is the best anniversary gift we could have been given.  We had a good day.  And we got to spend the evening with our DAUGHTER, y’all.  How weirdly beautiful to be able to say that.  No matter the outcome, we love her fiercely.  

Last night, I was really struggling with the fear of what is to come.  I keep asking myself if it is just my intuition that something bad is going to happen...or if it is Satan on the attack.  Matthew and I came back to the room and had a long talk about that.  Of course, we are scared.  Who wouldn’t be?  He has his moments, too.  However, I couldn’t seem to shake them.  We prayed.  We cried.  We thanked God for the good moments.  

I woke up in the middle of the night with a very clear thought and verse in my head.  It was just what I needed to get through this moment.  

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

2020 is no joke, y’all.  I keep thinking that maybe we will all wake up and it will be a bad dream.  It’s thrown us curve balls that are unimaginable.  And, that was before Briar was even born.  I watched one of my best friends lose her precious mom after weeks and weeks in the hospital.  While watching Janie go through her sickness, she was also challenging me to be a better person.  Janie was a force to be reckoned with.  One thing that I will always take from her was her devotion to memorizing the Word.  I can say that I am pretty confident about a lot of verses in the Bible and where they are located.  But, what a blessing it would have been to immediately repeat that verse the second that I started feeling anxious.  This is going to be my verse for the day.  I’ll start sharing ones that the Lord lays on my heart as our journey continues.  Matthew and I would love it if you would join with us in getting to know the Word, and our Almighty God, on a deeper level.  Briar’s journey started so abruptly.  No one knows why.  But, I am determined to make her days count.  We will do our very best to turn our TEST into a TESTIMONY for Him.

Today:
We got a phone call from the doctor this morning.  They requested the chance to place a PIC line in our baby girl.  This happens to most, if not all, of the babies in the NICU.  This makes me a nervous wreck, because I have AWFUL veins.  Her daddy is a rockstar plasma giver.  I am holding onto hope that she has her daddy’s veins and arteries. We are ready to have that done and over with today.  This will allow them to be able to give her medications that she needs without having to stick her every single time.  The doctor was honest.  It can be a tough procedure to get done.  The IV line is smaller than a piece of spaghetti.  We ask specifically for prayers for that to be successful.  Pray for Briar’s medical team and their hands as they place the line.  Pray that her potassium levels are better today.  Most of all, pray that her journey can help someone along the way.   

Matthew visited her this morning to say his hello’s before her big procedure.  Briar’s nurses had decorated her isolette with scripture.  Again, what another great reminder that God is with us every step of the way.  He has chosen amazing people to watch over our girl.  He came back and said that he is just ready for the day when he can walk into her room and turn on cartoons to watch with her.  He was made for this job, and I can’t wait to see them share those Saturday mornings together (even if it is watching Batman). Enjoy the mundane little moments that God has given you today.
We love y’all!