October 25, 2020
Amy here.
Yesterday couldn’t have gone any better. Briar’s PICC line got placed and her levels started to normalize. Matthew and I were able to visit her twice. My BP was starting to lower and doctors were talking about letting me go home. Matt and I spent last evening laughing together. It was everything our souls needed. It was the calm before the storm.
I woke up at 6 AM this morning to a call from Briar’s doctor. She had shown some decline throughout the night and she asked us to come and visit her. When we arrived, we noticed that our girl had lost her spunk. She was pretty lethargic and her grip wasn’t the same when we held her tiny hands. The doctor ordered another head scan and some other tests. Matthew and I waited in silence for around 2 hours.
When the tests came back, it was everything we never wanted to hear. Sometime in the night, the bleed on her brain had grown. We were given the choice to do some pretty extensive life saving measures. However, we were told that she would never walk or talk. The damage was that extreme. We decided to let her go. She was tired. She was telling us that.
Losing a child is something you never want to go through. She has two big brothers in Heaven already. There are literally no words for the pain that we feel. There is only a slight bit of relief. We know that she is dancing in Heaven now. She is free.
We want to thank everyone for all you have done to support us through this time. We are so thankful for our army of supporters. Matthew and I ask that we be given time to grieve and make decisions for our girl. For now, there will be no memorial service. We will make those decisions in the days to come, once we are home. Please know that we are thankful for each and every one of you. This storm came in like a lion...and it’s still raging.
My BP registered high again today at 10 AM (imagine that?!!) so I’m stuck here another day. For now, we are spending time together and doing our best to pick up the pieces.
There are no words for what we are dealing with. And, honestly, not one scripture came to mind today as I was saying goodbye to Briar. However, within 25 minutes, three people who are very close to me sent me the exact same scripture. It came just before we were saying our final goodbyes. Even if...God doesn’t seem close right now. Even if...things didn’t go as planned. Even if...we are asking Him why we have to go through this again. He is STILL showing us he is walking with us in this storm. We believe that Briar’s life was worthwhile and perfectly planned out, short as it may have been.
Today’s verse comes from friends who happened to be standing in the gap when God knew we were too weary. He is still whispering his presence in even the smallest of ways. We love you all and ask that you cover us in prayers of peace.
Isaiah 43:1-2
”Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned and the flame shall not consume you.”
